Back to School = Clean Slate?

As a family lawyer, I have complicated feelings about the beginning of school.

It will surely come as no surprise that I relished in it as a kid – the new classes, new teachers, new books, and new things to learn.

But in family law, the start of school can also bring conflict. Busy schedules make tensions ripe for confusion, miscommunication, and distrust. And the involvement of new professionals can raise flags that weren’t there before.

At its core, I like to think of this time as a clean slate for us all. So here’s wishing that you and yours put your best foot forward this fall and, as always, I’m here to support if it doesn’t quite work out.

Sincerely,

Shannon

When Litigation Breaks Your Heart

Recently, I’ve experienced some bad outcomes in court.

And, as much as I tell all of you that going to trial is unpredictable and a big risk, at my core I have to believe that my training, skills, and experience make me somewhat adept at predicting the outcome with the right presentation.

But lately it feels like my legal education and experience is worth about as much as a crystal ball.

Because, at the end of the day, going to court in a family law case means leaving the decision up to one person: the judge. And a judge is a human being with their own experiences, culture, and opinions. If there’s one thing that everyone has personal opinions and biases about, it’s families and interpersonal relationships.

One bias that I’ve grappled with lately is the “high conflict” label. High conflict cases are perceived as two people just going at each other through the court process no matter what the cost or damage. And that label is imputed to both parties.

But who would really want that?

In that “high conflict” scenario, there is usually one person, whether it’s the same person all the time or the parties switch back and forth, who instigates the conflict. The instigator seems to thrive on it and it’s a way for them to harass and control the other person, who’s just along for the ride.

This isn’t always obvious on the face of the case, the pleadings, or the evidence. The instigator can often mask their behavior by covering their tracks through gaslighting and CYA texts and emails.

But I see them. And I know from personal experience that it seems impossible to overcome that “high conflict” label when you’re the person who’s along for the ride.

If that’s you, know that I understand what’s happening. I don’t think you need to be perfect to be credible. And my heart is broken too.